Tests, tests, and more tests

Yesterday I had my 1st of 3 tests scheduled for this week.

*I had a bone scan that was ordered by my oncologist, Dr. Shah. This was a test to see if the cancer has metastasized to my bones - breast cancer, IF it metastasizes, will most likely spread to the bones, liver, brain, or lungs via the blood stream or the lymph system. The scan was pretty easy. First, I was given a small injection of radioactive material, told to drink lots of water for the next three hours, then my whole body was scanned by this huge machine. It was all pretty low key. I just had to lay there. But when the huge "camera" - aka vice - was lingering over my head the thought crossed my mind that it could malfunction and drop on my skull. But mostly, I just kept repeating to myself "please don't be riddled with cancer, please don't be riddled with cancer." The tech then took the films to the radiologist who asked for a couple more pictures, which got me very nervous because I was convinced he (in this case it was a male dr.) had seen something, but the tech assured me that different docs like to see different views and not to worry. Even so, I got a little teary eyed, but was trying to keep it together. All in all, it went fine and I imagine, unless there is something major, Dr. Shah will let me know the results when I see her after my surgery.

*Later in the day yesterday, I had an appt. with the social worker at the cancer center, Michelle. It was more of an introductory meeting to let me know what services they offer -

-beauty classes for how to wear scarves & wigs, how to apply your eyebrows using an eyebrow pencil (yes, my eyebrows might fall out along w/ALL my other hair), using make-up when you look like crap, etc.

-yoga & tai chi

-support groups

-individual & family counseling

I spent much of the time talking about the girls, how we told them, how we should proceed and supporting them, etc. She assured me we were doing all the right things, and as you all know, I need lots of reassurance in my parenting, so I was feeling good. She was very kind and will be very helpful.

*Today was an entirely different animal! I was scheduled for a CT/angio (computed tomography angiography) which was ordered by the reconstructive surgeon, Dr. Lee. This test will be used to determine if I have good enough blood vessels in my tummy muscle and to look at my fat tissue to be used for the reconstruction of the boobs. THE nicest nurses, esp. Linda, were there during this lovely procedure. I had to lay down on a skinny bed thingy with a huge circle (it wasn't really a body length tube) around the "bed." I was given an IV, some pictures were taken first, then (and they mentally prepared me the best they could) they had to "push" the IV very quickly with the contrast material. I felt incredibly hot - burning - from head to toe then an incredible feeling of having to pee. This all only lasted for a few minutes - although while in it it seemed as if it lasted much longer. All the while Nurse Linda was encouraging me over the speaker from the other room. When it was all done, as she was encouraging me to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, I was able to ask if I should be feeling sick to my stomach. She was rubbing my back and being very sweet as I threw up, mercifully she was able to get the kidney shaped bowl for me in time. I felt just terrible - I mean who likes to throw up?! Then I just started crying for one, because I felt yucky and for two, because I was sad to think that this is just the beginning of me feeling sick, wimpy, and I'm not looking forward to it. But thankfully, Nurse Linda really helped me through the whole thing, and I was grateful!

So today has not been the best day for me, emotionally. I've been a little down. And now tomorrow I have another CT scan, and this time I have to drink a bunch of yucky stuff 2 hours before, but I think tomorrow's won't be as bad as today's was. I'll let you know.

in love and peace,