Pain, pain go away...

OK last night was awful! This bone pain business sucks! Seriously!! There is no way to sit, lay down to ease the pain. So all I did while I was in bed was toss and turn and cry. When I finally got up, as I mentioned, I took a hot, hot bath that helped for about a minute. So after writing, I took some tylenol and tried to get back in bed. Again, I tossed and turned and cried.

I'm not sure everyone is like this, but, and I'm not sure I'll be able to express it well in words, but the intense pain I felt brought me to such a primal place that all I wanted was my mom to take care of me. I wanted her to be up and awake and rubbing my legs, or getting me water, or holding me. I know that sounds crazy if you don't get those same feelings. But I was thinking about if this were one of the girls (God forbid!!!!) and what I, as their mom, would be doing to try to comfort them. And that's what I wanted. So the crying was absolutely because of the pain, but it was also because I didn't have that. Then, I started thinking about Jen, and thinking how upset she will be when she finds out that the day after she leaves is when the shit hits the fan, so to speak!!

Arthur was sweet when I got back in bed and rubbed my hips and lower back, and that was the only way I was able to fall back asleep, which was well after 4:00a.m. I know he didn't get too much sleep either, and I feel bad about that, but I am glad he was there.

In the morning, I was still in pain, but I was able to take the Allegra and get myself off to work. I figured being at home in pain with no relief was worse than being at work where I could sort of take it easy and be distracted from what I was feeling. I did find out from the nurse that I can alternate advil (or aleve) with the tylenol - thank goodness!! Those are anti-inflammatories, so they should help. And I have a plan for tonight. I have taken aleve already. I will be able to take a percocet at 9:00. I will also take a little benadryl to help me sleep. Then I will be able to wake at 1:00 or so to take so advil and benadryl. So although on one hand I am dreading trying to sleep, on the other hand I am confident in my plan! And the silver lining to all this is that the Neulasta is working - doing it's job of major production of white blood cells - and that's a very good thing!!

Looking forward to a lovely breakfast in the morning, and then a great day. Hope the same is true for all of you!

much love and peace,

monique