At the same time they informed me that my reconstruction surgery would be Sept 10, which I immediately started crying, as my sister leaves Sept. 8. All this news brought about a days long depression. It was difficult for me to see the forest for the trees.
The next day we saw my oncologist, Dr. Shah. She shared all kinds of information about the chemotherapy she was recommending. The conflict was whether to do reconstruction 1st or start/finish chemo 1st. Additionally, there was the idea floating around in my head of should I go back to work or not right now. So for a few days, it felt like the decision was mine to make, and, I swear mental energy for anything more than when to go to the bathroom is very hard for me. I felt overwhelmed. To add fuel to the fire, I started reading all the information given to me by Dr. Shah about the drugs I'll be given and chemo in general. One booklet she gave me was "Chemotherapy and You" - I am not lying!! So after reading and reading and looking at all the prescriptions she gave me, including one for a wig, I just lost it. Literally for 3 days, I was crying every time I had a down moment. There was nothing I could think of that did not some how involve me and my cancer. I didn't want to get out of bed. I just felt sad.
Since then a few things have been resolved, I am going to do my chemo 1st. That should take about 4 months. I will write more about it later and fill in all the details I can, but I should start that next week, given nothing changes. I am also starting back to work today. My conflict about that is that I won't be 100%. But, I will love being back and I will do the best I can for right now. Arthur says I should give my self a break. So that's what I'm going to do.
Much love to you all,
monique
Monique, I am sooooo glad to hear from you! I had thought that when it had been such a long time, that things had gone "south." But, that's not the case. I have been thinking of you so much, but since I am bedbound, I can't be much help to you. Please know that you and your family are constantly in our prayers. Have a great day at school! I know you will love being back! Love, Sue
ReplyDeleteMonique, hang tough baby! And let yourself cry when you want to....
ReplyDeleteSending lots of love, prayers, and support your way.
-marybeth
Monique,
ReplyDeleteI know there is no better place for you to be than at school. Remember, do only what you can and know that it is okay to speak up when you can't do it. If you need any help, I am only a phone call away. Hang in there!!
Love You,
Edwina
Dear Monique,
ReplyDeleteHang in there! My supervisor at the ELC is going through the same journey and she is doing great! I do know and have lots of faith that you will do the same.
My mom has a direct "line" with GOD and she is praying for you in a daily basis.
You are a special person! Do not hesitate to call me if you need help or company.
muackisssss!
Maria