Spirits Lifted

Last Thursday, 8/26, I had an appointment with Dr. Lee so he could start filling (expanding) the empty balloons that are in there right now. These are serving as place holders - for lack of a better word - until reconstruction surgery. I have to go every week until surgery to have them filled with saline. These expanders were placed behind my muscles (my pectorals) and let me tell you it hurts like a mother!! It's getting better, but still!

Anyway, they (his nurse, Hailey, and an intern) saw the beginnings of an infection on the right side, plus they found a tiny spot where the stitches were not all the way closed. It was gross (in a really good way) to watch them get the gross stuff out and clean it. Hailey told me that Dr. Lee would probably want to re-stitch that incision, which freaked me out....until I realized I don't have any feeling there anyway. Finally, I got to see Dr. Lee - he always brightens my day! He is a riot, but warm at the same time. All went well, everything is fixed, but I didn't get expanded. Next Thursday(and every Thursday after that) I will go back to be expanded - which I'm not looking forward to because I can imagine it is not pleasant. But at least I'll be laughing while it's being done.

Arthur and I attended my chemotherapy lesson today. Dr. Shah's nurse (Linda aka Frenchie, seriously) went over all my prescriptions (there are 5) that I will be taking JUST to get through the chemo. I am scheduled to start on Thursday 9/2. It will be 4 to 6 treatments ( I am so hoping for only 4, so keep your fingers crossed) and they will be administered every 21 days. I will have lab work every time I go, which will be done through the port in my upper left chest near the clavicle. Then I will meet with Dr. Shah, then I will head over to the chemo floor at M.D. Anderson. The treatments last 3 hours each.

I will post one more time for Thursday to give all the nitty gritty about what drugs I will be having the side effects (which sound particularly fun) and when you can all expect to see my happy, shiny head.

As for emotions, as may have been noticeable, I have been pretty down since a week ago Friday. As I mentioned, Dr. Lee lifted my spirits for a couple of days, but I guess I'm getting nervous about having all these chemicals put into my body. I have also realized I'm not happy about losing my hair. At first, way back in the beginning of July, I was much more accepting of the idea, but as it gets closer, I am much more freaked out by it than I thought I would be. For those of you that don't know, I'm thinking of going in the Kate Pierson (of The B-52s) red beehive direction with regards to a wig. I DO NOT want to be one of those women with a bad wig and when you walk past people they whisper, "Oh that poor woman has cancer, look at her awful wig." At least an "Oh that poor woman has cancer, but her wig rocks!" would be easier to swallow! I could even break into "Love Shack" or "Rock Lobster" because I'm such a good singer and all.

As for the girls, I think they are doing fine. I need to work at being a little more respectful of them; as I undress in front of them, and they, Emma in particular, gets grossed out(as evidenced by much drama and covering her eyes, etc) by the scars there now (they will eventually look better). But overall, I think they are pretty good. All their teachers know the situation and will be on the look out for anything. I think, for my second treatment, I will bring them to the chemo room and show them everything. By that time, I should start experiencing some of the major side effects, and it may become more real for them.

Arthur and my sister seem to be doing well, too. She, Jen, has a lot going on herself, as she is trying to apply for jobs, study for her boards, and my brother-in-law, Heath, just arrived in Iraq for a year of hardship duty with the State Dept. But none the less, she has been able to keep the house neat and be the goto person for planning meals, etc. These are huge for me. I know it's going to be hard when Jen and Freddy leave. But, I hope she will feel positive and confident about me being OK. And, the day she leaves, Arthur's mom, Dee, arrives for a few weeks, so I'll be in good hands!

in peace,

monique